13 Ways to Make Joy

1. Lie on your back in a public place, the more people the better. Wiggle around like a helpless doodlebug being tickled. Shout for someone to help right you and set you on your feet. Especially effective if you’re wearing a lady-bug suit with antennae.
2. Get up before the sun and climb to the top of something. A mountain usually is the most breath-taking but a tall spire or lofty tree will do. Careful, this method is weather dependent. Be wary of icy slopes (like rooftops) and dress accordingly. Check the weather before hand as well (clouds can offer stunning sunrises but fog and smog are not so desirable).
3. Paint your toenails and fingers different colors, actually see if you can paint every single nail a different color. Put lipstick on in the brightest hue. Dye your hair bubblegum pink (check the box to make sure it’ll wash out, the novelty of it wears off fairly quickly). Put on every patterned colorful item of clothing and flair that you have. Socks on your arms, underwear on your head, multiple scarves. If you have no clothing of color or patterns you should borrow them from a less morose friend. Spend an entire day this way. If anyone asks, smile and reply with something simply like, “It’s Wednesday.” [This is not gender specific. In fact it might be a healthy exercise for males.]
4. Write yourself a hateful letter. Vent and let everything you’re worried about and all the qualities you dislike in yourself out. Read and accept your faults. Now write yourself a love letter, reminding yourself everything about you that is great.  See if any of the two lists overlap. That is the you-ness.
5. Spend a week logging people’s laughs. Start with friends and family. Keep a journal and describe everyone’s laugh to the particulars. Then move to strangers. Sit in a crowded place, but a happy one. Sit somewhere conducive to laughter, like a funny movie, a comedy show, or a family restaurant. Listen carefully.
6. Sneak into a loved one’s room (when they aren’t there). Cover the desk with brilliant leaves (in autumn) or flowers (in spring) or something else aesthetically pleasing in large amounts. If this person is not mess-friendly, abstain from the piles of crap. Hide notes all over the room that say silly-romantic-sincere-thought-provoking-flattering things. Don’t hide mean things. No one wins that way.
7. Make yourself bouquets of unconventional objects like dried Gingko leaves, or gloves, or toothbrushes, or chocolate, or pretzels. Pencils are an old favorite, especially right before school starts. Careful these things don’t decay and mold or melt.
8. Take the afternoon. Dress up in your favorite magenta unitard, put on some Kid Koala or Talking Heads and big black sunglasses. Dance in every space in the room. Leave no surfaced un-danced upon. Don’t stop moving till the music stops. Great exercise and endorphins. Invite a friend if you dare.
9. Put on your “laundry clothes” (anything ridiculous you never wear like periwinkle velvet pants and a moth-bitten Hawaiian shirt). Obscenely large jewelery and sunglasses are a must. Have a drink. Do your laundry. Tell everyone who asks, “It’s laundry day.”
10. Have a something-sampling test/party. Cookies work well, as do different styles of alcohol in a genre, like Whiskey. The subject will set the tone for the occasion. Have it a potluck. Everyone should bring their favorite brand of whatever. Be creative: Frisbees, toothpaste, honey, maple syrup (best with snow), jell-O.
11. In dealing with birthdays, take the advice of the aboriginal Kiwis. When asked about birthday celebrations they scoffed and couldn’t understand why one expected one day to be dedicated to their birth. Instead, they said, we celebrate every new growth or understanding in someone. So instead of spending 364 days in anticipation for something that always seems to let down, one must take the initiative and say “Hey! I’ve learned something new today! Let’s party!” At least this is my take on it.
12. Naked adventures. Pretty much anything naked anywhere is a sure recipe for great joy. Slide down a snow bank on your naked butt. (Hurts a lot but seems like a great idea at the time). Climb a mountain and perform the necessary victory trouser drop. Get a large group together and some bicycles. Ride through town or just around. Feel the wind. Ride responsibly. Wait for a full moon, institute a naked race somewhere in open spaces like Baylands. Hold hands with your nearests and dearests and run headlong naked into the ocean waves, screaming your battle cry the whole way. Just be naked for a whole day, wherever. Sun on the roof, make dinner, read a book. Introduce your body to the world, he’s been hiding much too long.
13.  Do one thing everyday that scares you. If it doesn’t turn out well, at least you’ll feel like you did something that day. Didn’t someone say the best thing to do is the right thing, the next best is the wrong thing, the worst is nothing at all? Or something like that. I think that pertains now somehow.